I just don’t know what else to do.
I stayed with the boy I had a date with. Keep in mind, we’ve been talking since February.
I drove to his house on Monday night, and I got there around 11:30-ish.
When I got there, I met him at a local restaurant. When he drove up in his big, red truck I instantly perked up. This boy is 6’4, sweet, handsome, caring, southern, smart, and just lovely in general.
He took me to get food, and then back to my car, and from there I followed him to his apartment.
We ate in his living room and talked for a bit, and from there we went to his bedroom where we cuddled and watched T.V. and laughed. He asked if he could kiss me, I said sure.
When he kissed me.. I melted. He literally took the breath out of me. He pushed me into him with his hand on the small of my back and it was perfect.
We kissed some more and then fell asleep in each other’s arms.
He is the best cuddler. The fact that he’s almost a foot taller than me doesn’t hurt either.
When we woke up the next morning, Tuesday, we kissed some more and showered and went and ate lunch at his favorite Mexican place.
After lunch, we went back to his apartment and kissed in his bed and napped and then we went to the lake close to his house.
We laid out in the sun and played in the water and drank Budweiser (his favorite) and got drunk and kissed and held each other’s hand.
Then he drove me back to his apartment, shirtless, windows down, blasting Taylor Swift and I was happy. I was laughing and he was kissing me and squeezing my knee.
When we got to his apartment, we showered together and kissed and bathed each other. From there we napped until we went out to dinner.
We went to this little Italian place where he lives and he bought me dinner.
After dinner we went back to his apartment and cuddled in his bed and kissed and watched Family Guy and laughed and fell asleep in each other’s arms again.
On Wednesday morning, we woke up and kissed and cuddled and I told him that I thought that I was in love with him. He told me there was something special about me. I wasn’t upset that he didn’t say anything back. I knew it was too soon but I felt it was right.. We were sad because I had to leave and he had to go to his parent’s house.
I helped him move some things to his truck and then I put my bag in mine. I felt good. I felt that this wasn’t temporary. He told me all week that he liked me, that I was special. I felt that this was real.
Later that day he told me that he didn’t think it was going to work. He’s having a hard time at home and doesn’t think he’s mentally stable enough to be in a relationship, or to even try to be in one.
So, I’ve been crying for hours. Asking myself “Why?” and “How come nothing works out for me?” and “Why do I bring this upon myself?”
I am broken, again. Broken and tired.